What Comes Next
by thinkingoutloud502
Summary: The custody case has concluded. Callie and Arizona agree to talk to Sofia together about comes next and it may change the trajectory of their family forever. Takes place after 12x22. Multi-chapter story.
1. The Talk

The custody case was over and all Arizona could do was stare at her daughter, memorizing her every feature. Sofia was oblivious to her haze, currently putting on the most extravagant imaginary tea party of all time.

They only had a few more weeks together until she and Callie move to New York.

They hadn't told Sofia yet. Callie asked if they could explain it to her together, arguing it would be easiest on their daughter if they both told her how great this was. As devastating as Arizona knew it would be to hear Callie sugarcoat the situation, she agreed — for Sofia.

Callie would arrive at her house any minute for that dreaded conversation and pop this pretty pink ignorant bubble her daughter was in.

Out of guilt, Callie offered that Sofia could stay with Arizona until the move. She took a leave of absence from the hospital to spend every last waking moment with her when she wasn't in school.

She was trying to pack all of their favorite things to do together into the time they had left, hoping to make special memories that would last until they saw each other again.

The light knock on the front door drew Arizona out of her thoughts.

 _Here we go._

Arizona paused by the door, stuffing down the sobs that threatened to burst out of her as she felt the weight of this moment. This was the moment their family would officially change forever.

She took a deep breath and opened the door to find a somber looking Callie on the other side. She moved out of the way so she could come in.

"You can wait in the living room. We were having a tea party in her room. I'll go get her," Arizona said softly, not able to look Callie directly in the eyes.

As Callie waited, she took in the house. She'd only been inside this house a few times when she came to pick up Sofia on one of Arizona's days off. Since she had moved in here, they got into a routine of mostly hospital handoffs or just picking up Sofia from school on their scheduled nights.

She saw cute pictures of Arizona and Sofia everywhere and a couple with all three of them. Callie felt a tightness in her chest as if this change was finally sinking in for her.

"Mamiiiiiiii," Sofia said happily as she ran down the hallway towards her.

"Mija, I missed you," Callie said wrapping her up in a hug.

"What are you doing here? I thought I wasn't going to see you for a few weeks," Sofia said plopping down on the couch next to Callie.

"Well, Mama and I have something very important to talk to you about, so I came over," Callie said with a soft smile on her face.

Arizona sat in a chair on the other side of Sofia. Callie glanced at Arizona for physical confirmation that she could continue. Arizona gave her a soft nod.

"Mija, you know Mami's friend Penny? Well, Penny got a job in New York City and she invited us to come with her," Callie said excitedly.

"Like a vacation?" Sofia asked.

"No, we're going to live there and you'll get to go to this amazing new school and make all kinds of new friends. You're going to love it there. They have one of the world's biggest zoos and the world's biggest Build-A-Bear. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Callie said.

"Yes! Mama, can we get a pass for the zoo so we can go whenever we want like we do now?" Sofia asked assuming Arizona was coming with them.

"I can get you a pass and Mami can take you," Arizona said regretfully.

"Why can't you take me?" Sofia asked confused.

"I will be able to take you when I visit, but I won't be there all the time. You and Mami are moving to New York. I'm staying here in Seattle," Arizona said trying to put on her best fake smile.

"Is New York close by here? Will you just pick me up there when it's time to come to your house," Sofia asked Arizona and they could see the wheels spinning as she tries to understand what's happening.

"No, baby. It won't be like it is now. New York is really far away. You won't come to my house anymore and you'll be with Mami most of the time. But, I'll come visit you and we can FaceTime like you do with grandma and grandpa all the time," Arizona said softly as she reached out and held her daughter's hand.

Sofia was getting the picture and her tiny little face scrunched up with sadness. Callie sat there silent, following Arizona's lead.

"But, we can't do goodnight cuddles on FaceTime. Or dance parties. Or or or bubble bath fights." Sofia said breaking down in full blown tears.

Arizona pulled her daughter into her arms and cradled her head, rocking them back and forth as tears streamed down Arizona's face as well.

"I love you so much, Sofia. There is nothing that could change that. You are my special girl. When we see each other it's just going to be extra special, alright. We'll just have to have three times as many hugs and kisses to last until I can visit again," Arizona said pulling back to place a few kisses on Sofia's tear stained cheeks.

"But, whyyy don't you want to seeeee me anymoreeee?" Sofia asked through her sobs.

"Of course I want to see you. I want to see you all the time, but my home is here. Your home will be with Mami there," Arizona grasped at what to say in the moment, of how to explain this without blaming it all on Callie.

"Sweetie, you're going to do so many fun things and you can call Mama anytime and tell her all about it," Callie said trying to help.

"NO. I don't want to go without Mama," Sofia yelled swiftly removing herself from Arizona's hold and running off to her bedroom.

Callie and Arizona just sat there for a moment in silence, neither one able to look at the other. Arizona wiped the tears from her face.

"I'll go check on her," Arizona said after the silence became too unbearable.

15 minutes later she returned to the living room to find Callie in exactly the same spot.

"She cried herself to sleep. Maybe you can just call her tomorrow when she's had some time," Arizona said with a defeated tone.

"I guess I expected her to be a little upset, but I wasn't prepared for that," Callie said and Arizona didn't even justify that answer with a response.

Arizona found it slightly comforting that her daughter thought more of her than a trip to the world's largest Build-A-Bear, even though Callie thought that'd be all it would take to win her over. She wondered how she couldn't have envisioned that their daughter would be devastated.

"Do you want to talk? We haven't really since the hearing," Callie said softly.

"What's there to say?" Arizona asked.

"A lot. I think we've got to start again somewhere. I know things aren't going to go back to the way they were overnight, but…"

Arizona cut her off gently, "I meant what I said in court. I really did, but I don't think things can ever go to go back to the way they were."

"We still share Sofia and we're in this together for the rest of her life. That hasn't changed," Callie said as a look of shock spread across her face.

"Yes, we share Sofia, but… I'm not part of the plan anymore," Arizona said somberly.

"What?" Callie asked.

"When you told me you were pregnant, you asked me if I was in. You told me you wanted me to be part of your plan… You know, I've never told you this. After the accident, Mark and I had this terrible fight. We disagreed about your care. I knew with all my heart that you'd want to do everything possible to give Sofia her best chance to be healthy and he thought we should give you the best chance and roll the dice with her. I understood his point, obviously I couldn't imagine losing you, but I felt so protective over her already. He told me that my opinion didn't matter — _that I was nothing_ because you were her mother and he was her father." Arizona paused searching Callie's stunned face.

"We made up, of course, and he apologized before you woke up, but I think I've always held that inside of me — might explain one or two of my insecurities. When you told me about this move — like it was no big deal for me — I don't think I've ever felt more like nothing since that fight. Like I said in court, I want you to be happy. I'm so sorry that I ever caused you pain — it's my deepest regret. I'm not the same person who did those things. What I wouldn't do to go back and do it differently. To tell that bitter person, you shouldn't push the love of your life away. But, I can't and I don't want you to be stuck because of me again… You said this is what will make you happy, so go with Sofia and Penny and I'm…," Arizona paused holding back more tears.

"You're not nothing. Penny could never replace you. You can see her whenever you want to come. I'd never keep her from you," Callie said.

"Occasional visits and holidays… I'm going to miss so much and no matter what I do, my relationship with her will change because of this. I'll still be her Mama, but Penny will become the one she relies on as much as you. You three will be a family. I'll be a visitor. She'll stay with me in a hotel room. My home will not be her home. And there will always come a point where I have to leave and it will rip my heart out every time, but I will do it — for her. I will deal with my fear of planes. I will deal with the swelling and pain in my leg from the altitude. I will take the emotional beating when I have to leave her behind. I'll try my best to make sure she knows I'm there for her emotionally, if not physically. I hope that this is everything you want it to be. But, this is the last thing I can do for you. Because I have nothing left."

Callie was floored by her speech. Arizona wasn't being malicious or screaming at her. It was much worse — she was calm and defeated. It felt like the room was spinning as she tried to process everything that came out of her mouth from her confessions about what happened with Mark to calling Callie the love of her life.

Callie was ashamed to admit to herself how little of Arizona's feelings she took into account— partially because she didn't realize that Arizona cared about her own happiness until the custody hearing.

"I don't know what to say. I really didn't do this to hurt you," Callie said as her eyes glassed over.

Arizona nodded gently in acknowledgement. "I'll have her call you tomorrow when she's ready to talk. Text me your flight details and when you'll want to pick her up. I'll have anything she wants to bring with her packed up or I can ship it if I need to."

"I want to talk more about this," Callie said.

"We can talk logistics when you come pick her up," Arizona said softly before walking her out.

Callie walked out of her ex-wife's house feeling like a zombie. Once she got in her car, she couldn't move. She just sat in the driveway staring at the house, frozen by her emotions. By the time she snapped out, she wasn't sure how long she'd sat there. Felt like hours, but it could've been minutes. The pain in Arizona's eyes ignited something in her, a protective instinct, she hadn't felt in a long time. Now she was left to question… everything.


	2. You're Her Mama

**Note: I always wished they'd shown more of Arizona's interactions with Callie while she was pregnant. Given us more insight into their conversations about the future. This is a flashback chapter with information that I think would've been important to this storyline. More chapters on the way before 12x22 airs and they potentially shatter my pretty pink bubble.**

 _"Do you think this baby will like me?" Arizona said while nuzzling her face into Callie's neck as they cuddled in bed._

 _"Are you kidding me? This kid is going to love you. What's going on?" Callie asked her._

 _"Well, I mean, she has you and Mark, so I guess I'm just unsure what I'll be in this whole equation… who I'll be to her," she said flashing her insecurities._

 _"You'll be her Mama, if you want to be," Callie said already knowing the answer._

 _"Of course that's what I want," she answered quickly._

 _"Good. I've already discussed it with Mark. You are officially 1/3 owner of this child. Our little Sofia is the luckiest girl on the planet. Not only does she have three parents who love her so much already, but one of them just so happens to be the most wonderful person I know by the name of Arizona Robbins," Callie said giving her the brightest smile._

 _"What happens if we break up?" she asked._

 _"We're having a kid together and now you want to break up?" Callie joked._

 _"Very funny. I just mean we don't know what'll happen down the road. I hate even imagining it, but what if you get sick of me and decide to move on?" she asked._

 _"Not possible," Callie responded dismissively._

 _"Just consider it for a second. What would happen with Sofia? Would I just become Mami's friend who isn't around anymore?"_

 _"What is bringing all this on?" Callie asked tucking a piece of hair behind her ear._

 _"I just love her so much already," she said with a sweet little dimpled smile._

 _"Of course not. You've been here every step of the way. You're just as much her mother as I am. I'm just the vessel for our little nugget. There's nothing I want more than to have a family with you and that's what we're doing here — starting our family. And no matter what happens between us, I would never take her away from you. We would be the first three-way custody agreement in the history of the world. Do you trust me?"_

 _"Even if you hated me?" she asked teasingly._

 _"Ughhhhhhhh Arizona," Callie groaned._

 _"Okay, okay. Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone else in the world," she said planting a loving, gentle kiss on Callie's lips._

 _"Hmmm I could never hate you. I don't care how bad the fight is. I don't care what comes out of my mouth. Deep down, I will always love you because you're my person. Even if I forgot for a little while, it'd still be there. Besides, I think you're probably going to be Sofia's favorite person in the world, so I don't think there would be any way I could keep her from you," Callie said._

 _"Why do you say that?" she scrunched her curiously._

 _"Because whenever she hears your voice she kicks the crap out of me. I think she's trying to break out of here to see your beautiful smile in person… or maybe she's just training to compete in gymnastics at the 2028 Olympics. How do I know," Callie teased her._

 _"Really? She does?" she asked amazed by the revelation._

 _She took her hand and placed it on her stomach._

 _"Talk to her, Mama," Callie said flashing her a smile._

 _Arizona scoots to rest her head gently on her big belly while softly caressing the other side with her hand._

 _"Sofia, I hope your growing big and strong in there because I can hardly wait to meet you… Oh my gosh. I feel it. She's kicking," she snaps her face up to look Callie lovingly in the eyes._

 _"She doesn't do that on command for anyone else. Only you. I guess she's a Mama's girl. I'd be jealous if I wasn't so mesmerized by her Mama myself," Callie said._

 _"Sofia, this is your Mama speaking. I love you and I can't wait to see your beautiful face, but now would be a great time for a nap. If you don't mind, I'm going to spend a little some time making your Mami feel good. You see she's just so breathtaking, I just can't help myself," she said leaving her belly and scooting up in the bed to place a passionate kiss on Callie's lips, still leaving one hand lovingly caressing her belly._

 _She slips her tongue in the brunette's mouth and slips her hand into her underwear to tease her with feather light touches right where she needed her._

 _"I've never wanted to make love to you more than I do right now. Is that okay, baby?"_

 _"Yes. Please. I want you, Arizona," Callie whimpered out in between gasps as she started removing her clothes and proceeded to make her feel how much she loved her._


	3. Thinking Out Loud

**Note: This chapter picks up right after Callie leaves Arizona's house in the last chapter. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Callie's House**

"How did it go?" Penny asked from the couch while Callie dropped her keys on the table.

"Not well," Callie answered.

"Tell me about it," Penny said patting the space on the couch next to her.

Callie plopped down beside her and continued, "Sofia lost it when she realized Arizona wasn't coming with us. She said she didn't want to go without her, ran to her room and cried herself to sleep."

"That sounds brutal. How was Arizona?" Penny asked genuinely.

"She tried to make Sofia feel better about it even though she's struggling. I feel terrible," Callie admitted.

"I hate that I have to leave in the morning. I don't want to leave you feeling like this, with so much unsettled," Penny said caressing Callie's cheek with her palm.

"I'll be fine. I think I'm just going to go to take a shower and go to bed if that's alright. We have to be up early to go to the airport and I'm feeling wiped," Callie said moving towards her bedroom.

"Want some company?" Penny offered.

"I'm not going to be long. Just in and out. I'll see you in bed," Callie said quickly.

She wasn't exactly sure why, but the last thing she wanted right now was to be intimate with Penny. She had too much to think about.

 **Arizona's House**

After Callie left, Arizona just decided to lay in bed. It was still early in the evening and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep this upset, but she didn't know what else to do. She laid there thinking about everything that led to the situation she found herself in.

She never wanted kids before she met Callie. When Sofia came along, she fell in love the way she'd always heard other parents describe and realized why she didn't want to have them before — when you love something so much, you can lose it.

Tim's death had changed her in such fundamental ways. She was only just realizing to what extent his loss impacted her life. She was so afraid of feeling that type of soul-crushing pain again that she attempted to protect herself from it. Now she knew that this self-protection was, in many cases, actually self-destruction.

She became a serial dater and feared commitment. She didn't want kids. She didn't keep in touch with the friends that reminded her of Tim. Anything to avoid another loss.

And then she met Callie and she was a game changer. She felt herself doing things that she didn't do — waiting to have sex until there were feelings involved, committing to her, saying 'I love you' first, moving in, pledging to have 10 kids with her if she wanted them.

At last, she'd met her match — someone her soul yearned for — even though she still feared that with great love, comes great loss.

Many of her worst fears had come true. Nick. The leg. The miscarriage. Callie. Now Sofia. And she was still standing.

Maybe now that she'd lost everything she always feared, she could finally learn to move beyond his loss. She didn't want Sofia to be too afraid to go after good things because of fear of the bad.

Even though she was currently devastated, having Sofia in her life at all was better than nothing. She could've protected herself right out of the profound experience of motherhood.

She heard creaking floorboards outside her room and soon Sofia appeared in the doorway, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Mama, I can't sleep. I had a bad dream," Sofia said with a squeaky voice.

"I can't sleep either. You want to sleep in here tonight? I could use some cuddles," Arizona said opening her arms wide to her little girl.

Sofia wasted no time climbing up on the bed and plopping down with her back against her mother's chest so Arizona could wrap her arms around her.

"I'm sorry you had a bad dream. What was it about it?" Arizona asked.

"I was with Mami and I missed you and I kept calling you and you didn't answer," Sofia said in a sad little voice.

"That sounds awful. You don't have to worry about that though baby. I will always answer when you call. I promise," Arizona said stroking her hair gently.

"Do I have to go to New York? Can I just stay here with you?" Sofia asked.

"Well…" Arizona wracked her brain for what to say. If only her daughter knew how badly she wanted to say yes. "If you stayed here, then Mami would be really sad. We don't want Mami to be sad."

"But, Mami has Penny. You need me," Sofia observed.

This little girl was wise beyond her years and it was killing Arizona. It would be much easier if she'd just take Arizona's bullshit at face value, but Sofia was absolutely right. This unnecessary move contradicted everything she and Callie had always told her — we're a family and even though we live in different houses, families stick together.

"Sofia, you know I love your Mami, right?" Arizona asked and Sofia nodded. "Well, when you really love someone you do things for them because you want them to be happy. Living in New York with you is what will make Mami happy. Do you understand?" Arizona asked.

"How can Mami be happy if we're sad?" Sofia asked looking up at her.

 _'_ _Just drive a dagger through my heart. What do you say to that?' Arizona thought._

"I just so happen to have doughnuts with sprinkles on them in the kitchen. Do you want to share one with me?" Arizona said realizing she was out of the things to say and quickly changing tactics — bribery.

"I thought I'm not supposed to eat sweets after dinner," Sofia said regurgitating one of Callie's rules.

"Well, I think we deserve a treat today — just this once. What do you think?" Arizona asked.

"Yes!" Sofia said immediately.

"And how about we turn on Disney movie while we go to sleep? Whichever one you want," Arizona said.

"Incredibles," Sofia said quickly.

Arizona wasn't surprised. Sofia was in a superhero phase lately making her Mama slightly miss the princess days. Arizona wondered how much Sofia would change in between every visit.

They split a doughnut and Sofia fell asleep again on Arizona's chest 20 minutes into the movie. Normally, Arizona would move her over to her own side of the bed, but she couldn't bear to. Instead, she just watched her breathe until she eventually drifted off to sleep.

 **Callie's House - The Next Day**

Callie had spent her evening consuming an entire bottle of white wine by herself. She had dropped off Penny at the airport this morning to head to Preminger ahead of them. The goodbye was awkward because Penny sensed Callie's current state of unease and confusion.

She finally spoke with Sofia on the phone — revise that — she mostly talked at Sofia on the phone today. The little girl was silent for much of their phone call, still upset.

Callie was so thrown off and annoyed by her daughter's pouting that she asked to speak with Arizona and, in the moment, intended to ask if she was being negative with their daughter about going to New York. However, Sofia said that Arizona couldn't talk.

When she cooled off, Callie was grateful they didn't speak. She knew Arizona wouldn't do anything to hurt Sofia and wouldn't poison her further against New York. She wasn't that type of person.

Now that Callie was sufficiently drunk, her thoughts were consumed by Arizona. She could see her demoralized face in her mind from the night before. She was causing her terrible pain and that bothered her as much as it ever did.

In a way, it felt like she woke up from a coma and had no idea how she got here. She wondered why she had been so sure she should go with Penny to New York. Once she made the decision, she never wavered. Not when Penny said she never considered asking because Sofia's life was here. Not when Arizona was upset about Sofia leaving. Not when Bailey criticized her for giving up everything she'd worked for to chase tail across the country.

It was almost like she didn't give it anymore thought because she wanted to prove to them wrong. To prove that she wasn't the same person who made huge life decisions on a whim. That she could find love and happiness with someone who wasn't Arizona. That this was going to be great for her and her daughter no matter what.

She did really care about Penny though. 'That could still be the reason. I deserve to be happy,' Callie thought.

Callie knew everything Arizona said about how her relationship with Sofia would change was true. Finally processing the prospect of that was really heartbreaking. She thought their relationship was beautiful. She could see so much of Arizona in their daughter. In a way, it was often comforting because a piece of her was always with her after they split.

When Arizona first encouraged her to work it out with Penny, she assumed it was because she didn't care about her anymore. And then when she filed for custody, Callie just wanted to blame that on jealousy.

After she withdrew her petition for physical custody on the stand and after their last conversation, she believed she saw the truth clearly now.

Arizona still loved her, but it was different now — she was different now. She wasn't trying to hold on to her no matter what or selfishly ruin her chance for love with someone else. Arizona had put Callie first with no expectation of reciprocation. She had set her free, at the expense of her own happiness. She made the ultimate sacrifice — giving up the fight to keep Sofia in Seattle.

As a mother, that told Callie everything she needed to know. If she hadn't won custody, she could've never left without Sofia — it would be unbearable to be away from her. Arizona loved her enough to give up the most important thing in her life.

"No one has ever loved me like that," Callie said out loud to herself.

Penny was a safe choice. She didn't give her butterflies like Arizona always did, but their relationship was simple. There weren't fireworks between them, but there weren't many fights either.

Her relationship with Penny wasn't perfect. They had taken a break a few months back. She applied for this grant after telling Callie that she wouldn't. That's a decision that she would've skewered Arizona for, but she had let it slide with Penny. Why? Callie liked to think it was because she had matured, but there was probably more to it.

She was trying to identify at what point she truly considered going to New York with Penny. When she first told her about winning the grant, it didn't cross Callie's mind as a possibility. She had been bummed, but she wasn't crushed the way she was when Arizona went to Africa without her. That had felt like someone had removed a piece of her soul.

The talk with Arizona seemed to be the turning point.

Through their daughter, she and Arizona had developed a friendship that, up until this point, she believed was totally platonic. Callie assumed she had moved on and was off having a great time, dating all kinds of more beautiful, sexy women on the days she wasn't with Sofia. When she told her to work it out with Penny, Callie assumed it was because she didn't care what she did in her romantic life anymore and was just trying to be friendly.

"I walked away from our marriage and made it clear that she should move on. Why would she act any other way?" Callie put her head in her hands as she spoke to herself.

Maybe she'd gone on the defensive because she initially believed Arizona was jealous. Maybe she just wanted her to be jealous. Maybe she didn't want to see it because it would force her to think about Arizona in a way she'd been avoiding since their divorce.

The lingering question in her mind was how did she feel about Arizona?

That wasn't an easy answer. Things were complicated between them. They had history. She had so much more perspective about their relationship now though and her role in the breakdown. At the time she hadn't been so fair. She didn't have to be after Arizona cheated because that is virtually the only mistake in a marriage that is black and white.

In the most pivotal moments, instead of coming together they tore each other apart. As much as she'd like to place the blame solely with her ex-wife, she knew she did her fair share of that too.

Even when she didn't want to, Callie had never stopped loving her. This selfless act made her heart swell for the blonde again and that couldn't have left her more confused.

She had committed to Penny. She had a new job. They had an apartment. Sofia was enrolled in a new private school.

It felt like she couldn't back out now, but at the very least she couldn't leave Arizona behind in misery.

Callie wondered if she was just feeling last-minute jitters and if Arizona continued to refuse to talk to her, how could she be sure that this wasn't all in her mind?

"Maybe I'm just afraid of change. I'll work everything out with Arizona, so she and Sofia have regular visits and once that's off my mind, everything with Penny will fall into place," Callie said aloud, halfheartedly trying to convince herself.

 **Arizona's Home - Moving Day**

The day was finally here. Callie and Sofia were leaving for New York and Callie would be here any moment to pick her up.

Arizona hadn't slept a minute the night before. The dark circles under her eyes were too defined for makeup to hide so she didn't bother trying.

She did her best to make the last week as carefree as possible for Sofia. Arizona took pictures and videos every five minutes so she'd have something to look at when she was missing her daughter.

They went to the zoo. They rode the ferry. They got frozen yogurt with whatever toppings her daughter wanted piled over the bowl. They read her favorite stories. They had a dance party — even though Sofia said she didn't feel like dancing, Arizona started dancing alone until she changed her mind. Sofia snuggled in with her every night for plenty of goodnight cuddles.

Last night, as she packed up her daughter's room, that's when a new level of despair sunk in.

She'd had limited interaction with Callie since they told their daughter she was moving. Callie text her the flight information and when she'd be by and called Sofia every day. She'd always asked to speak with Arizona, but she busied herself every time.

Callie text her a few times and asked her to call her back and Arizona reverberated that they'd talk when she came to pick Sofia up. She wanted to put off their conversation about visits and such until the last possible moment and focus on her daughter while she still had her here.

Sofia's suitcase sat by the front door. Arizona was holding her tight against her chest, knowing Callie would arrive at any moment. April showed up for emotional support and was sitting at the kitchen island in silence, giving them their privacy.

"You're going to be a good girl for Mami, right?" Arizona asked and Sofia nodded.

"And you're going to call me every night before you go to bed?" Arizona asked.

"Yes Mama. I won't forget," Sofia said sweetly.

"Good girl. I can't wait to hear about everything you do in New York," Arizona said lying through her teeth.

When they heard the knock on the door, Sofia turned into Arizona and started crying, as if she had been holding it.

"I love you so much, baby. And we will see each other soon. I promise," Arizona said kissing her hair and then one of her cheeks.

She stood up and placed Sofia on the ground. Sofia clung to her real leg as they walked towards the front door, making walking steadily impossible.

"She's all packed. Here's her suitcase," Arizona said after opening the door to Callie on her front porch.

"Okay. Sofia, say goodbye to Mama. I'm going to put her in the car and then maybe we can talk a minute?" Callie asked.

Sofia pulled back from Arizona's leg with tears still streaming down her precious face. Arizona leaned over and took her face in her hands, wiping her tears and giving her the best smile she could muster.

"I'll see you real soon. Time is going to fly by and before you know it, I'll be there for a visit," Arizona said.

"I'm going to miss you," Sofia squeaked out through her sobs.

"Me too. I love you," Arizona said peppering her face with kisses and drawing her into a tight hug.

Callie had convinced herself that the decision was made and that it wouldn't be practical to back out now, but this scene was weakening her resolve.

Callie took her hand and led a still crying Sofia to the car before walking back to the porch.

"Oh, hey April," Callie said just spotting her now sitting in the living room.

"Hey Callie," April replied awkwardly.

"I'm going to come out in two weeks," Arizona said.

"Oh, that's great. She'll be happy to hear that," Callie said genuinely.

"I'm not sure how often I'll be able to visit after that. I've still got to talk to Bailey about lessening my caseload, so I can have less on call days and can come more than once a month. Might take some time to get my cases covered, but I'll let you know when I have concrete plans."

"I don't want you to have to give up your work. I told my new hospital that I'd need some schedule flexibility. I can try to align my days off with yours and bring her to you sometimes," Callie offered.

"Okay. I have something for her," Arizona said reaching into her back pocket. "I got a zoo membership. It's in your name, but it includes a guest so I can take her sometimes when I visit."

Callie took the card from her and stared at it. It was a family membership and Arizona had listed Callie and Penny as members of the family — she was an unnamed guest.

"Thanks," Callie said somberly.

There was something about seeing that card — seeing Arizona cut out of their family — that struck Callie like a lightning bolt.

"Just send me a pic or something if you think of it when you go," Arizona requested.

"Of course. I'll send lots of pictures and videos and I'll have her call you when we arrive too," Callie said.

"Okay. I guess that's it," Arizona said feeling the ache in her chest growing stronger.

"There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know if I should," Callie said honestly.

"You don't have to say anything. You're going to be late for your flight," Arizona said tears now welling up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I caused you pain too — it's my deepest regret," Callie confessed.

Arizona just responded with a gentle nod and slight smile.

"Goodbye Callie," she said softly.

"Bye," Callie responded and Arizona closed the door.

Arizona barely closed the door before she broke down in tears. April walked to her and pulled her into a hug, comforting her until her crying subsided.

Callie climbed in the car and looked back to Sofia, who was no longer crying, but wouldn't make eye contact with her.

"Sofia — please don't be mad at me," Callie begged as she started driving away from Arizona's house.

"I'm not mad. I'm sad," Sofia answered in a pout.

"I'm sad too," Callie said slightly looking down so her daughter wouldn't see her tearing up in the rearview mirror.

"Why are you sad?" Sofia asked still staring out the window.

"Because… I love your Mama and I'm not sure what to do about it," Callie answered honestly.

"Mama said she loves you too," Sofia said matter-of-fact.

"She did? When?" Callie asked.

"The other day she said she loved you and that you would be sad if you went to New York without me and love is when you want to make someone happy," Sofia said reciting what Arizona said the best way she could remember.

Callie froze. They were supposed to be getting on a plane and flying out to meet Penny to start their new life in New York.

She didn't want a new life. This wasn't moving towards a better life, it was taking the easy way out — running away. She couldn't do this.


	4. Family First

Arizona finally cried out all of her tears and forced April to leave her alone in her misery. She didn't want to leave her like that, but Arizona told her she was just going to go to bed.

In truth, she'd just started looking at photos of her family in happier times. Photos from when Sofia was just a baby. When Mark was alive. When Callie still loved her. There was one particular photo that she couldn't stop staring at — a picture Callie took of her passed out cold with a 6-month-old Sofia asleep on her chest.

Arizona thought this is the lowest she'd ever felt — shocking for _her_ to say, but it felt accurate. Even after the amputation, Sofia was the bright light in the darkness pushing her forward.

When Arizona heard a knock on the door, she considered ignoring it. After all, seeing someone right now is the last thing she wanted to do. But, it persisted and she gave in.

Much to her surprise, she found Callie on the other side drenched from the downpour outside.

"Hi," Callie said with a big smile.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be getting on a plane," Arizona said wiping the remnants of tears from her face.

"I was wrong about all of it. I made you a promise a long time ago and when I really thought about what I want for Sofia and for myself, I realized that I was about to make a terrible mistake," Callie said.

"What are you saying?" Arizona asked confused at where this was going.

"We're not going to New York… You really are Sofia's favorite person and you are so important to her… and to me. We are a family — you, me and Sofia — and we need to stick together."

"What about New York? What about Penny?" Arizona asks.

"I called Penny and told her it was over. I care about her, but I want more — for me and for Sofia and _for you_.

I've been thinking a lot and — you were right — I rush into things. I don't always see things how they really are, but more how I wish they could be. The only time I've done it right, taking my time to really see someone and fall in love with them, was… with you."

"But, I thought you needed to go to be happy. I don't want you to do this and feel stuck with me here again," Arizona said letting her insecurities rise.

"I was confused. Our family makes me happy. I don't need more than that.

I wish I could take that back — saying I felt stuck with you. We went through some really traumatic things in the first few years of our marriage, more than some couples deal with in a lifetime. I don't think many newlyweds would've escaped all of that unscathed. I'm not glossing over it — it was painful and overwhelming — but I think we can both agree we were hard on each other. We're human and mistakes were made. At some point, we deserve forgiveness. I don't know about you, but enough time has passed for me.

You changed. You bent for us, for Sofia. You made my dream, your dream. You are a great mom and even after our marriage ended — you put everything aside for our family. I don't know where I would be if we weren't in this for her together. You deserve to be happy too.

I hope you can forgive me. I would claim temporary insanity if I thought it'd help," Callie finished with a smile and Arizona realized her mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

"I'd still like to get together, just the two of us, when you're ready and talk about that last conversation we had. There's so much I want to say to you and I'm not afraid of it anymore," Callie said uneasily.

Arizona could've asked her to pinch her. It didn't feel real.

"Anyways, Sofia's in the car. I thought you might like to have her for the weekend and then we can go back to our old schedule… if that's okay with you?" Callie asked.

"That'd be great," Arizona said quickly before someone woke her from this wonderful dream.

"Okay, I'll go grab her," Callie said turning to walk back out into the rain.

"Callie," Arizona said making her turn around in the rain. "Thank you," Arizona whispered softly flashing her a relieved smile.

Callie smiled back at her and gave a reaffirming nod.

"So coffee… soon?" Callie asked anxiously.

"Definitely," Arizona said immediately.

When their daughter ran to her from the car, she squeezed her so tight she squealed, "Mama, I can't breathe," in between giggles. Arizona waved at a drenched Callie who was standing there in the rain with a delighted smile on her face watching them reunite.

And just like that, Arizona's nightmare had come to a close.

 **Note: Well there it is. I'm really split on how I want the show to handle this — mostly because I don't want to wait the hiatus for our reunion. After so little for so long on the show, it'd be much more interesting for me to see them date and get to know each other again. I thought within my story, Arizona would be in a better headspace if they have their defining conversation separately from finding out that Sofia is staying put. Coffee date coming soon.**


	5. The Coffee Date

**Note: Thank you all for reading and for the positive feedback. I don't know about you, but the performances in 12x22 blew my mind. I thought it was very painful and powerful. In the end, I was really glad that Arizona won the custody case on the show. The way the episode played out, personally, I think that outcome was a really positive statement to put out into the universe about the equal value of working moms and adoptive parents. 12x23 left a lot to be desired as far as discussing what took place and making amends, but after a Calzona-centric episode what could we expect from Grey's? However, Penny made her glorious and hopefully permanent exit. Keeping my fingers crossed for the beautiful payoff we've been promised in the finale. I made a different choice as far as the outcome of the custody hearing before it aired, but pieces of the latest episodes will influence this story. Hope you enjoy the latest chapters and the direction we're going.**

Callie sat alone at their favorite coffee shop, anxiously awaiting Arizona's arrival. During their relationship, they would sneak off to this spot for day dates when their busy schedules made them passing ships. Her palms were sweating. She wasn't sure what to expect from this conversation.

It'd been a week since Callie called off the move to New York. Callie wondered where Arizona's mind was at on everything that transpired between them in the past few months.

When she saw the blonde enter the shop, her heart started beating so fast it felt like it could pop out of her chest at any minute. Arizona came in her business casual attire with soft curls in her hair. Callie thought she looked so effortlessly beautiful.

"Hey," Arizona said taking her seat across from Callie. "Sorry I'm late. My consult ran long."

"Anything problematic?" Callie asked making small talk while she wiped her sweating palms on her pants.

"Uh, to be honest, yes. The fetus has a condition with a very low rate of survival. I've performed the operation once and it wasn't successful, so the consult was hard," Arizona answered.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Callie asked.

"Yeah. It's tough to deliver that kind of news, but I'll be fine… I'll cut to the chase. I came here to tell you that I'm still really mad at you. I'm relieved that you and Sofia didn't go, but mostly really mad… and hurt. Much of what you said at my door is kind of a blur, to be honest, but I know you said this was all a big mistake and it's really hard to wrap my head around that," Arizona rambled on.

"Let's dive right in, I guess. You have every right to be angry. I know I hurt you and everything about the hearing was awful. I can't stop thinking that you probably hate me now and I feel absolutely horrible now that I can really see what I put you through," Callie said genuinely.

"I could never hate you. I had never worried about this kind of thing before. I trusted you. Even when it was bad between us, I never thought you'd take her away. This came at me like a freight train. And then when your lawyer implied that I wasn't really her mother…" Arizona trailed off not knowing how to finish that sentence without breaking down in tears.

"I know. I'm sorry. I promise I didn't tell her to do that," Callie said quickly.

"But, you didn't stop her… did you? You sat there and listened to her say all kinds of things about me either not really being her mother or being a bad mom and didn't stop it. Part of me thought that's why you were doing this — that you really didn't think I was as much her parent as you were. Walking away from that custody fight was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I never want Sofia to think I wouldn't fight for her or that I'm any less her parent. Even though I knew I didn't want to trap you here, that it wouldn't be good for our daughter — I almost couldn't do it because of that," Arizona said.

"You are her Mama. You were always part of the plan — literally — from the day the strip turned pink. I know that and Sofia will always know that there is no replacing you. I would never want our daughter to think your love for her somehow counts less because of DNA," Callie said passionately.

"What's sad is that a few years ago, that argument would've probably been all you needed to get my case thrown out. Not because I'm a bad mom, but because I'm a lesbian. That's why I'm so disappointed you allowed her to make it," Arizona said.

"You're right. It was wrong and I'm so sorry. I don't want you to worry. I'll do whatever it takes to convince you that it won't happen again. If you want, we can have the lawyers put it in writing that Sofia stays in Seattle unless we are both onboard," Callie offered.

"That would make me feel better," Arizona replied taking Callie's olive branch.

"I've done a lot of thinking about why I made this choice… As hard as it is for me to admit, unconsciously, I think it had something to do with you encouraging me to work it out with Penny," Callie said as she hung her head.

"What was I supposed to do? I was trying to be your friend. When you still wouldn't talk to me after things cooled down after the divorce, it was so hard. We were lovers, but you were also my best friend. I guess it wasn't as hard for you. I figured that if I acted supportive of you moving on and we became somewhat friendly again that it was better than nothing," Arizona said.

"It was really hard for me too, but I was afraid of what would happen if I opened the door to you again, even as a friend. For such a long time, it hurt so much to be around you. Distance was the only way I could be sure we wouldn't fall back into the dysfunctional pattern we were stuck in those last couple of years," Callie said.

"I guess that makes sense," Arizona conceded.

"But, now…" Callie started.

"Now what?" Arizona asked quickly.

"I'm not sure about you, but enough time has passed for me. We can't erase our history, but I'm ready to finally put it where it belongs — in the past — and move forward as a family."

"What are you saying?" Arizona asked.

"I'm saying I would like to make a fresh start with you — for us to spend more time together as a family and to get to know each other again as the people we are now," Callie said reaching across the table to take Arizona's hand resting on the table.

Arizona paused looking at their hands and relishing in the familiar feeling for a quick moment before pulling away.

"A week ago you were declaring your love for Penny and ready to move across the country with our daughter," Arizona said with a puzzled look on her face.

"You have every right to be confused. I was confused — that's how we got into this mess — but I'm not anymore. New York was… I was running away… I do care about Penny, but it's nothing compared to what I've always felt for you. Sitting here, looking at you, I see everything so clearly now. I just wish I had realized it sooner. Saved us all some heartbreak. If you need time, I will wait as long as takes. But, the way I see it, I love you and you love me and none of the rest of it matters," Callie finished with a big, bright smile as she recalled the speech Arizona gave after calling Sofia her baby for the first time.

"This is a lot for me to process," Arizona said dumbfounded by what Callie just unloaded on her. A few weeks ago they couldn't look each other in the eye and now… Callie said she loved her. Was in love with her. After everything, how could she trust that?

"I know. Take your time. There's no rush. In the meantime, I was wondering how you felt about scheduling a family date. Sofia's always asking for us to do things as a family. That could be a good place to start," Callie requested anxiously.

"I think it's a good idea. She'll love it," Arizona replied knowing how much their daughter loved when they were all together.

"Great. Maybe something simple like a pizza and movie night?" Callie asked.

"That would be nice," Arizona agreed reluctantly.

Pizza was their special thing and it didn't go unnoticed to Arizona that this was most likely a gesture from Callie to remember the good times they shared over pizza.

Arizona knew she still loved Callie. She never stopped after the divorce and that made moving on impossible. When she finally started dating again, she couldn't stop herself from comparing each woman to Callie and when they failed to measure up, she couldn't see a relationship with them beyond something casual. Now that an opportunity to try again was presenting itself — something she had dreamed of since their divorce — Arizona was hesitant to take it. She feared the damage to herself and their daughter should they get back together and split up again. Sofia was too young to remember a time when they lived together as a family. Now that she's older, the stakes are higher. But, the blonde's biggest fear came back to something that she struggled with throughout their relationship — trust.

Could she trust that Callie was really in love with her after everything that they'd just been through? Arizona knew she'd never cheat again, but would Callie believe that? Could she trust Callie to commit to her and not feel stuck when things got hard? The last time they reconciled they said they were starting with a clean slate, but they didn't. The same old grudges moved into the new house with them. Could they really forgive each other and move forward this time?

With all of this to consider, it was clear to Arizona that she was in for some sleepless nights.


	6. The Proposal

After the successful pizza and movie date with their daughter, all three of them seemed to be on cloud nine. Arizona couldn't believe how seamless their evening had been once they made it to the pizza place. It was obvious Sofia absolutely loved the idea. She was giddy and talked through their whole dinner, telling them stories about her friends at school. Then, at the movies, she sat between them and pushed the arm rests up so they could cuddle close to her on each side. Sofia's happiness was infectious and quickly made any awkwardness Callie and Arizona felt melt away.

After that successful evening, it was easy for Callie to sell Arizona on making it a regular weekly occurrence. Family time shouldn't feel like a luxury to their six-year-old. They now had seven straight weeks of successful family dates and it was quickly becoming the day that Sofia and her mothers looked forward to most.

"Arizona, there you are. I was hoping to run into you today. Do you have a minute?" Callie asked cheerfully.

"Yes. Actually, I was just about to grab lunch if you want to join me," the blonde replied with a soft smile.

"That would be great," Callie said.

They hadn't eaten lunch together in the hospital cafeteria in years and they knew it'd probably set the rumor mill off, but things had been going so well on their family dates they didn't care.

"What'd you want to talk to me about?" Arizona asked as they set their trays down at their table.

"So, I've been promising Sofia for awhile that'd we go to Disneyland and I think this summer would be a great time," Callie said gushing with excitement.

"Oh, how long would you guys go for?" Arizona asked as disappointment seeped through her tone.

"That's what I really wanted to talk to you about. I think we should go as a family, the three of us. Sofia is old enough now where she'll probably remember this trip for the rest of her life, hopefully, and I don't want her to experience it without both of us. It's going to be so magical for her, meeting all the princesses and characters. Will you come?" Callie asked.

"Yes. She's going to be so happy. Thank you for inviting me," Arizona said giving Callie a bright, dimpled smile.

"I'm so excited. I think it's going to blow her mind. They have some great family package deals right now. I'll take care of all the arrangements, if that's okay with you. I was thinking we could drive. I think every kid has to have at least one family road trip in their lives. What do you think? Do you think you could clear your schedule for a week at the end of the month?" Callie asked.

Arizona just kept smiling at Callie for a moment knowing she probably suggested the road trip for Arizona's benefit — to avoid flying.

"Yes. I can clear my schedule. A road trip would be fun. I'll load up the Disney soundtrack playlist for a proper sing-a-long. Yay," Arizona said clapping her hands with excitement.

"Perfect. I'll get everything booked," Callie said matching her excitement.

"Do you promise not to judge me if I cry when she meets her first princess?" Arizona asked.

"Are you kidding me? I'm going to be a puddle," Callie said jokingly.

Callie was excited for Sofia's happiness, but she was also really excited for herself. This would really be the first time in years that they spent a week of uninterrupted time together as a family. She was so excited at the prospect of spending a week in close quarters with Arizona her chest actually hurt.

Things seemed to be getting easier between them, but they were in the friend zone at best and Callie was hoping for more to develop. This was her chance to make some progress. After all, Disneyland is the place where dreams come true.


	7. Hitting the Road

**Note: Nothing like a road trip to really talk things out. We're covering a lot of ground here, so hold onto your hats. Hope you enjoy!**

Callie pulled into Arizona's driveway to pick the girls up for their road trip. Not a minute later, Arizona and Sofia emerged from the front door with their luggage in tow. Sofia had a rolling Cinderella suitcase just for the occasion.

When they all got settled in the car, Callie looked at Sofia in her rearview mirror and said, "Now, where are we going again?"

"Disneyland!" Sofia yelled out in excitement causing both of her mothers to giggle in the front seat.

"Oh, that's right! I almost forgot," Callie teased her daughter.

"Excuse me, Miss DJ, cue up the Disney playlist please," Callie requested with a playful look.

Arizona gave her a warm smile and hooked up her phone to the car speakers.

"What do we have for road snacks? Do we need to make a stop before we get going?" Arizona asked.

"I'm so glad you asked. There is a cooler and bag in the backseat filled with all kinds of sustenance. While you know I'm not usually a sandwich fan, what I've packed is the exception. We've got the best PB&J sandwiches ever made and possibly the best ham and cheese hoagies on the planet. We've got Mike and don't forget about his pal Ike. We've got Twizzlers. We've got water, soda, juice and I got your favorite coffee on the way over. Plus, who could forget the Funyuns?" Callie said raising her eyebrow at the mention of the snack Arizona always craved.

"You remembered," Arizona said sweetly.

"Of course. We can stop along the way for real meals when we feel like it, but I figured it would be good to be stocked up for those stretches when there is nothing," Callie said.

"You take such good care of us," Arizona remarked without really thinking about the weighted meaning behind that statement.

"My pleasure," Callie replied as she smiled at Arizona lovingly.

"Before we get this show on the road, let's do a family selfie. Everybody say Disneyland!" Arizona said as she raised her smartphone up and snapped a shot of the three of them before starting their trip.

Callie and Arizona wore Sofia out in the first two hours with a very energized sing-a-long to the Disney classics. Arizona loved it so much she found herself smiling so hard her face hurt. Since things were the polar opposite between them very recently, she found herself appreciating every little moment, from Callie's quick glances to hearing her imitate the different characters with her beautiful voice.

In those moments, whether she liked it or not, Arizona knew she was falling in love with her all over again.

"Twizzle me please," Callie requested.

"Coming right up," Arizona said handing her the candy.

As they exchanged a Twizzler, their hands grazed each other. They flashed each other an embarrassed smile, like two nervous teenagers.

"Oh, to be young again. If I slept in that position, I wouldn't walk right for days," Callie said observing the awkward way their daughter was sleeping in the rearview mirror.

"Right?!" Arizona agreed.

"While she's asleep, I just wanted to thank you," Callie said.

"For what?" Arizona asked.

"For the family dates. For coming to Disneyland with us. She's been so happy lately and I know that's a big part of it. Truthfully, she's not the only one. I haven't felt this happy in a long time," Callie admitted.

"… Me too," Arizona replied hesitantly. "I'm still not sure where my head is at on everything between us, but this feels so right. I'll admit… I love seeing you smile."

Callie's grin was ear-to-ear at this point. "Let's play a game," she said.

"What kind of game?" Arizona asked.

"There are plenty of family classics for later when she's awake, but I was thinking something that could help us catch up. Are you down?" Callie asked.

"Okay. I'm game," Arizona responded.

"Let's take turns asking each other questions. Anything we're curious about. Do you want to start?" Callie asked.

"Sure. Let's start easy. Favorite show right now?" Arizona asked.

"Hmmm probably Scandal. You?"

"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt," Arizona responded quickly.

"I love that show. I need to watch the new season. I thought you might like it. When I watched the first season it reminded me of you," Callie said. "Favorite way to spend a Friday night?"

"Curled up with our daughter watching a movie and eating ice cream," Arizona answered.

"Aw sweet. I would say it's a tie between spending time with Sofia and eating a nice meal at the new Italian place close to my house," Callie said.

"I'll have to try that place sometime. It looks amazing, very romantic. How's your relationship with your family lately? Any change?" Arizona asked.

"Not really. My mother hasn't budged. My parents divorce was just recently finalized. I think her continuing lack of interest in Sofia was the final straw for him. I felt bad about it for a long time, like I caused it, but I know better. Aria sent me a letter at the holidays. It said she missed me, but there was no follow-up, so I guess she doesn't miss me that much," Callie said sadly.

"I'm so sorry. My mom still asks about you all the time. She misses you," Arizona said.

"I miss her too… I've been dying to ask you this. How in the world did you become such good friends with Webber?"

"Knowing me, I can see how strange that must seem. It took me by surprise too. At the time, he was missing Catherine and I was stuck in a rut. We ended up going to a trivia night. We had so much fun hanging out and he kind of gave me the little push I needed to put myself out there again. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I hadn't dated since our divorce and it had been maybe two years," Arizona looked down at her lap as she admitted this.

"What?" Callie asked shocked by that disclosure. "I assumed you were just dating discreetly."

"I have been dating a little recently, but it took me awhile to be ready to move on. When I was, I needed a little confidence boost and he was there for me. Now he's one of my very best friends. He's so easy to talk to and sweet and funny. I don't know why it works, but it does," Arizona said.

"I'm glad you have him… Two years? Really?" Callie asked again.

"If I'm being honest, it was a little more than two years," Arizona said. "Next question. Do you still sleep on the same side of the bed?"

"Actually, I sleep on the opposite side now. You?"

"Me too," Arizona said with a small knowing smile.

"Do you ever think about me," Callie paused glancing back to make sure Sofia was still asleep, "you know… when you're _alone_?"

Arizona blushed instantly at the intimate reference, "Maybe. You?"

"Definitely," Callie said and they started laughing together.

"Do you still want more babies?" Arizona asked.

"Uh that's tough to say. I've always wanted them, but I'm not sure if it's in the cards and I've accepted that. Sofia is pretty incredible and if she's my only child, then I can be content. What about you?" Callie asked very curious about her answer.

"I do. I've been thinking a lot about it recently. I would like to try to carry a baby again if the situation was right before my biological clock runs out. I'd like to have that experience if I can and I know I can handle it better then I did last time. I think I underestimated how fragile I already was at the time," Arizona looked out the window as she spoke.

"I wish I could go back and handle that whole situation differently," Callie said.

"I could say the same thing, but that's in the past. Being Sofia's mom fills me with such joy and purpose. Whether or not I have another baby, that'll still be true," Arizona said.

"Agreed. Could you see yourself getting married again?" Callie asked.

"I think so, again, if the situation was right. I think I have a much better idea of what marriage and being a good partner means now — all the dimensions and complexities. You?"

"Same. There is such an ebb and flow to life. I think there is a tendency as individuals to just wither into your own pain or grief instead of coming together with your partner. It's not something anybody teaches you how to do. There's that saying that people are hardest on the ones they love. I feel like it takes a conscious effort not to do that, but that's what I'd do differently next time," Callie explained.

"You're right about that. I'm really ashamed of how mean I was to you after the crash. I know we're going to start leaving the past in the past, but you should know that," Arizona said.

"You were struggling. I should've been more understanding. You weren't going to get over PTSD overnight. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to get back to normal. I just missed you. Plus, I was a horny monster there for awhile. I'm embarrassed about that too," Callie concluded.

"I could understand where you were coming from. It was strange for me too. You know I always loved sex. I pretty much always felt comfortable with my body and was ready to roll day or night. Then, overnight, I felt this crippling insecurity and my libido took a huge hit. You were so reassuring, but it took me awhile to feel comfortable. It's one of those things you wish you could just flip a switch and fix, but no matter what you said, I couldn't get it out of my head for so long. I thought if I was weirded out by it how could you not be. And on top of that, we had such an um… adventurous sex life before the crash and I felt like I was starting from scratch. I was way too in my head about being compared to the way things were before the amputation and not being able to satisfy you," Arizona confessed.

"Just so we're clear — when we got back in the groove — I thought we had amazing sex after the amputation. Some of our stand out performances from our whole relationship. I'm not just blowing smoke either. I realized later what I really missed with you during that time was intimacy. When we were struggling, there felt like this huge awkward distance between us. Add in no sex and it was an overwhelming weight on the relationship. I just wish we could've talked honestly like this at the time. I think it would've made a big difference," Callie said.

"You're right. I want to do it differently next time," Arizona admitted.

"Next time?" Callie teased raising her eyebrows a few times in Arizona's direction.

Arizona pushed lightly on Callie's shoulder reciprocating her flirting gesture.

"I forgot whose question it is," Arizona said.

"Hit me with your best shot," Callie replied.

"Aren't you scared? That we could hurt each other again?" Arizona asked.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little afraid, but I know we're different now. We went our separate ways, but the love is still there. After being apart for so long, I think that we can appreciate each other now in a way we didn't before. It'd be amazing for us to grow old and grey and saggy together," Callie teased.

"Speak for yourself. I don't know if I'll ever go grey," Arizona joked with wink.

"I have no doubt you'll the sexiest grandma in town and I want you to be all mine," Callie teased.

"Good lord. Did you have to take it there?" Arizona said holding her free hand to her forehead in embarrassment.

"Hey, grandmas need loving too. Specializing in ortho, I know that better than anybody," she said playfully raising her eyebrows. "What are you scared of?"

"I think during certain points of our relationship, I made bad decisions out of fear. I was afraid to tell you things because I thought you would feel stuck with me or leave me. I don't want to feel that way again. It messed with my head," Arizona explained.

"Give me an example," Callie replied calmly.

"I hate to bring this up again — the miscarriage. I was so afraid to tell you that I wanted to stop trying to have a baby. You kept pushing and when I finally told you, I was sure you'd never look at me the same way again. I know you wanted more babies and I wanted you to be happy, but I was in a deep depression. I wanted to be strong and just push through it, especially because you had to take care of me after the crash, but it wasn't that simple. Honestly, at that point, I thought it was only a matter of time before you left me. I don't want to feel like what we have is conditional that way," Arizona revealed.

"I didn't realize you felt that way. That's fair. I'll admit it. I was selfish after the miscarriage. After everything we'd been through that year, it felt like the hits just kept on coming and I was mad. We finally had something to be excited about, something I wanted so badly for so long, and then that hope was ripped away. Part of me was still so angry about what happened after the crash. On some level, I thought your decision had something to do with you still resenting me over the leg. That's why I checked out," Callie said.

"I can understand that. I checked out too on you. I don't think we actually listened to one another. We were just mad at the world and taking it out on each other. I don't want to ever do that to you again," Arizona promised.

"If we do this again, I promise you I'm in this for good and I'm ready to do the work. No emergency exits needed," Callie said giving the blonde a soft smile. "That was heavy. Let's the lighten mood a bit on the next question."

"When did you know you loved me?" Arizona asked reluctantly.

"When we danced together in my living room on our second date," Callie answered quickly.

Arizona smiled, "That's good to know, but I meant when exactly did you know you wanted to be with me again… recently."

"Ah I always knew I still loved you, even when I was trying really hard not to. I haven't told anybody this, but before I met Penny I was thinking about you again. For the first time in years, it wasn't painful. I was remembering the good times. Even though the bad ones stand out, there were so many more good times in our seven years together. I thought about making a move then, but you seemed so happy. Every time I saw you, you had your real smile back and, after all these years, I know the difference. Since I walked away from our marriage, it didn't seem fair to pull you back in if you'd moved on. Then, I met Penny and convinced myself it was best to see her and not complicate our situation. Fast forward to a couple months ago, there was this moment with Sofia in the car that clenched it for me. I knew I didn't want to get on the plane," Callie recalled.

"What happened?" Arizona asked.

"We were driving away from your house to head to the airport. She asked why I was upset. I told her it was because _I loved you_ and I wasn't sure what to do about it. She said, so nonchalantly by the way, you told her that _you loved me too_ and that when you love someone you want them to be happy. That was it. I wasn't sure how you felt about me up until that point and I think I was hung up on that. That confirmed what I already knew in my heart. You were so selfless in letting me and Sofia go if it meant I'd be happy and that opened my eyes. I knew that while I could be with someone else, I'll never love anyone the way I love you. I chose you," Callie said with tears in her eyes.

Callie's hand was resting on the console and Arizona took her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"One last question and then let's take a break for awhile," Callie said with a smirk. "After that big sexy speech, how badly do you want to make out with me right now?"

Arizona shook her head with a smirk of her own, "So sure of yourself."

"You know you want to," Callie teased pulling their still clasped hands to her mouth to place a soft kiss on the back of Arizona's hand.


End file.
